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ele。 My strength will bear but a certain amount of conversation； even the pleasantest； and before long I desire solitude； which is rest。）
The mere sight of N…； to say nothing of his talk； did me good。 If appearances can ever be trusted； there are few men who get more enjoyment out of life。 His hardships were never excessive； they did not affect his health or touch his spirits； probably he is in every way a better man for having……as he says……〃gone through the mill。〃 His recollection of the time when he had to work hard for a five… pound note； and was not always sure of getting it； obviously lends gusto to his present state of ease。 I persuaded him to talk about his successes； and to give me a glimpse of their meaning in solid cash。 Last Midsummer day； his receipts for the twelvemonth were more than two thousand pounds。 Nothing wonderful； of course； bearing in mind what some men are making by their pen； but very good for a writer who does not address the baser throng。 Two thousand pounds in a year！ I gazed at him with wonder and admiration。
I have known very few prosperous men of letters； N… represents for me the best and brightest side of literary success。 Say what one will after a lifetime of disillusion； the author who earns largely by honest and capable work is among the few enviable mortals。 Think of N…'s existence。 No other man could do what he is doing； and he does it with ease。 Two； or at most three； hours' work a day……and that by no means every day……suffices to him。 Like all who write； he has his unfruitful times； his mental worries； his disappointments； but these bear no proportion to the hours of happy and effective labour。 Every time I see him he looks in better health； for of late years he has taken much more exercise； and he is often travelling。 He is happy in his wife and children； the thought of all the forts and pleasures he is able to give them must be a constant joy to him； were he to die； his family is safe from want。 He has friends and acquaintances as many as he desires； congenial folk gather at his table； he is wele in pleasant houses near and far； his praise is upon the lips of all whose praise is worth having。 With all this； he has the good sense to avoid manifest dangers； he has not abandoned his privacy； and he seems to be in no danger of being spoilt by good fortune。 His work is more to him than a means of earning money； he talks about a book he has in hand almost as freshly and keenly as in the old days； when his annual ine was barely a couple of hundred。 I note； too； that his leisure is not swamped with the publications of the day； he reads as many old books as new； and keeps many of his early enthusiasms。
He is one of the men I heartily like。 That he greatly cares for me I do not suppose； but this has nothing to do with the matter； enough that he likes my society well enough to make a special journey down into Devon。 I represent to him； of course； the days gone by； and for their sake he will always feel an interest in me。 Being ten years my junior； he must naturally regard me as an old buffer； I notice； indeed； that he is just a little too deferential at moments。 He feels a certain respect for some of my work； but thinks； I am sure； that I ceased writing none too soon……which is very true。 If I had not been such a lucky fellow……if at this moment I were still toiling for bread……it is probable that he and I would see each other very seldom； for N… has delicacy； and would shrink from bringing his high…spirited affluence face to face ； whilst I； on the other hand； should hate to think that he kept up my acquaintance from a sense of decency。 As it is we are very good friends； quite unembarrassed； and……for a couple of days…… really enjoy the sight and hearing of each other。 That I am able to give him a fortable bedroom； and set before him an eatable dinner； flatters my pride。 If I chose at any time to accept his hearty invitation； I can do so without moral twinges。
Two thousand pounds！ If； at N…'s age； I had achieved that ine； what would have been the result upon me？ Nothing but good； I know； but what form would the good have taken？ Should I have bee a social man； a giver of dinners； a member of clubs？ Or should I merely have begun； ten years sooner； the life I am living now？ That is more likely。
In my twenties I used to say to myself： what a splendid thing it will be WHEN I am the possessor of a thousand pounds！ Well； I have never possessed that sum……never anything like it……and now never shall。 Yet it was not an extravagant ambition； methinks； however primitive。
As we sat in the garden dusk； the scent of our pipes mingling with that of roses； N… said to me in a laughing tone： 〃e now； tell me how you felt when you first heard of your legacy？〃 And I could not tell him； I had nothing to say； no vivid recollection of the moment would e back to me。 I am afraid N… thought he had been indiscreet； for he passed quickly to another subject。 Thinking it over now； I see； of course； that it would be impossible to put into words the feeling of that supreme moment of life。 It was not joy that possessed me； I did not exult； I did not lose control of myself in any way。 But I remember drawing one or two deep sighs； as if all at once relieved of some distressing burden or constraint。 Only some hours after did I begin to feel any kind of agitation。 That night I did not close my eyes； the night after I slept longer and more soundly than I remember to have done for a score of years。 Once or twice in the first week I had a hysterical feeling； I scarce kept myself from shedding tears。 And the strange thing is that it seems to have happened so long ago； I seem to have been a free man for many a twelvemonth； instead of only for two。 Indeed； that is what I have often thought about forms of true happiness； the brief are quite as satisfying as those that last long。 I wanted； before my death； to enjoy liberty from care； and repose in a place I love。 That was granted me； and； had I known it only for one whole year； the sum of my enjoyment would have been no whit less than if I live to savour it for a decade。
XXIV
The honest fellow who es to dig in my garden is puzzled to account for my peculiarities； I often catch a look of wondering speculation in his eye when it turns upon me。 It is all because I will not let him lay out flower…beds in the usual way； and make the bit of ground in front of the house really neat and ornamental。 At first he put it down to meanness； but he knows by now that that cannot be the explanation。 That I really prefer a garden so poor and plain that every cottager would be ashamed of it； he cannot bring himself to believe； and of course I have long since given up trying to explain myself。 The good man probably concludes that too many books and the habit of solitude have somewhat affected what he would call my 〃reasons。〃
The only garden flowers I care for are the quite old…fashioned roses； sunflowers； hollyhocks； lilies and so on； and these I like to see growing as much as possible as if they were wild。 Trim and symmetrical beds are my abhorrence； and most of the flowers which are put into them……hybrids e……Jonesia； Snooksia……hurt my eyes。 On the other hand； a garden is a garden； and I would not try to introduce into it the flowers which are my solace in lanes and fields。 Foxgloves； for instance……it would pain me to see them thus transplanted。
I think of foxgloves； for it is the moment of their glory。 Yesterday I went to the lane which I visit every year at this time； the deep； rutty cart…track； descending between banks covered with giant fronds of the polypodium； and overhung with wych…elm and hazel； to that cool； grassy nook where the noble flowers hang on stems all but of my own height。 Nowhere have I seen finer foxgloves。 I suppose they rejoice me so because of early memories…… to a child it is the most impressive of wild flowers； I would walk miles any day to see a fine cluster； as I would to see the shining of purple loosestrife by the water edge； or white lilies floating upon the still depth。
But the gardener and I understand each other as soon as we go to the back of the house； and get among the vegetables。 On that ground he finds me perfectly sane。 And indeed I am not sure that the kitchen garden does